Today I want to talk about a concept that I think is really important.
Muslims refer to it as refraining from "back biting." Other (non-Muslim) people sometimes refer to it as following the "golden rule." Whichever terminology is used, the concept is similar.
Let me back up a little bit and explain what I mean.
As you've probably figured out from reading some of my other blog posts, I'm a practicing Muslim. I've touched on a few Islamic-related topics (on this blog) here and there (like the Islamic holidays of Eid and Ramadan), but for the most part, I've tried not to get too preachy (I hope I've succeeded in that effort!).
The reason I've done that is because, for me, religion is something that's extremely personal. People's motivations for staying with or choosing one religion over another vary by person, and a lot of people (like me) don't appreciate others telling them this, that, or the other thing about religion. The reason I'm talking about this concept is because it's something that I think everyone should follow...regardless of religion.
Now, on to that explanation.
In Islam, "back biting" refers to the act of talking about someone behind his or her back. But not everything said behind someone's back is considered "back biting." What's actually considered back biting is when something negative is said behind someone's back and if what's said is true. (If what's said is not true, then that's actually considered slander.) To break it down in its most simplest terms: "Good" Muslims don't back bite. Even "better" Muslims defend other people when someone back bites against that person. (As I said before, I'd prefer not to get too preachy here, so I'm going to keep this discussion at a high level. I'm not going to go into details on where specifically back biting is discussed or how it's considered to be a "sin." If you're looking for that kind of information about Islam, I'm sure you can find it on Google.) In Islam, "back biting" even covers gossip, something which is also discouraged. I think some people find exercising restraint from "back biting" to be a difficult aspect (of Islam) to follow, but like anything, people do their best.
The thing is, I tend to think of back biting in even more simple terms.
Outside Islam, I tend to think that the "golden rule" (people should treat others as they'd like to be treated) covers this issue as well (just maybe in a more broad sense).
I lean towards not doing it not because Islam tells me I shouldn't or because it's considered a sin (although those are both great reasons)...but rather because I think about how I would feel if I were to ever find out about someone saying negative things behind my back. I know I would feel incredibly hurt and angry if/when I ever found out about it happening. I imagine that the damage that would be caused through finding out would be irreversible, and whatever relationship I had with this person (who is discussing these things about me) would be scarred or possibly even severed because of this.
I think sometimes we say things about someone else under the guise of "venting." And that act of venting may help the person discussing the issue, but what about the person being discussed?
As I said before, I think some people find exercising restraint from "back biting" to be difficult aspect. Nobody's perfect (and I don't want to sound like a goody-goody here because I'm just doing the best I can -- just like everybody else), but I think you have to ask yourself: what are the intentions of the person doing the back biting?
Sometimes the impression that you're left with after listening to someone back bite is not really that the person they're discussing is a terrible person (as they'd like to have you believe) but rather feeling a bit sorry for that person. What I mean is, for me personally, I start considering whether the person doing the talking is being 100% truthful or if he/she is only telling 1 side of the story. And more importantly, I think about how the other person would feel upon finding out what's been said about him or her.
What about you -- are there any "rules" (religious or otherwise) that you follow?
Muslims refer to it as refraining from "back biting." Other (non-Muslim) people sometimes refer to it as following the "golden rule." Whichever terminology is used, the concept is similar.
Let me back up a little bit and explain what I mean.
As you've probably figured out from reading some of my other blog posts, I'm a practicing Muslim. I've touched on a few Islamic-related topics (on this blog) here and there (like the Islamic holidays of Eid and Ramadan), but for the most part, I've tried not to get too preachy (I hope I've succeeded in that effort!).
The reason I've done that is because, for me, religion is something that's extremely personal. People's motivations for staying with or choosing one religion over another vary by person, and a lot of people (like me) don't appreciate others telling them this, that, or the other thing about religion. The reason I'm talking about this concept is because it's something that I think everyone should follow...regardless of religion.
Now, on to that explanation.
In Islam, "back biting" refers to the act of talking about someone behind his or her back. But not everything said behind someone's back is considered "back biting." What's actually considered back biting is when something negative is said behind someone's back and if what's said is true. (If what's said is not true, then that's actually considered slander.) To break it down in its most simplest terms: "Good" Muslims don't back bite. Even "better" Muslims defend other people when someone back bites against that person. (As I said before, I'd prefer not to get too preachy here, so I'm going to keep this discussion at a high level. I'm not going to go into details on where specifically back biting is discussed or how it's considered to be a "sin." If you're looking for that kind of information about Islam, I'm sure you can find it on Google.) In Islam, "back biting" even covers gossip, something which is also discouraged. I think some people find exercising restraint from "back biting" to be a difficult aspect (of Islam) to follow, but like anything, people do their best.
The thing is, I tend to think of back biting in even more simple terms.
Outside Islam, I tend to think that the "golden rule" (people should treat others as they'd like to be treated) covers this issue as well (just maybe in a more broad sense).
I lean towards not doing it not because Islam tells me I shouldn't or because it's considered a sin (although those are both great reasons)...but rather because I think about how I would feel if I were to ever find out about someone saying negative things behind my back. I know I would feel incredibly hurt and angry if/when I ever found out about it happening. I imagine that the damage that would be caused through finding out would be irreversible, and whatever relationship I had with this person (who is discussing these things about me) would be scarred or possibly even severed because of this.
I think sometimes we say things about someone else under the guise of "venting." And that act of venting may help the person discussing the issue, but what about the person being discussed?
As I said before, I think some people find exercising restraint from "back biting" to be difficult aspect. Nobody's perfect (and I don't want to sound like a goody-goody here because I'm just doing the best I can -- just like everybody else), but I think you have to ask yourself: what are the intentions of the person doing the back biting?
Sometimes the impression that you're left with after listening to someone back bite is not really that the person they're discussing is a terrible person (as they'd like to have you believe) but rather feeling a bit sorry for that person. What I mean is, for me personally, I start considering whether the person doing the talking is being 100% truthful or if he/she is only telling 1 side of the story. And more importantly, I think about how the other person would feel upon finding out what's been said about him or her.
What about you -- are there any "rules" (religious or otherwise) that you follow?
I think it's a good rule to try not to back bite. I think I'm overall pretty good at it but I do find myself saying things sometimes that I probably shouldn't but it happens to everyone. As I get older though, I'm less interested in partaking in those kinds of conversations because they're not the least bit stimulating.
ReplyDeleteI'm also like you though, where if someone does back bite a lot, I begin to question their credibility and I begin to wonder where it's stemming from.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Gia.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. It's hard, but (like you said) it happens to everyone. All we can do is the best we can.
--Meliha
Rabindra first told me about "back biting" some years ago, I'd never heard it. Now I use it all the time when I talk about people gossiping ;)
ReplyDelete